just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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