I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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