oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
