Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
