Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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