I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm passing your future prison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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