Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
