we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
