You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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