I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize