i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
