I'm gonna have a badass scar
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
