Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
