so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
