Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
