I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just pee around me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
