At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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