So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
