If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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