Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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