Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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