Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
