K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
