The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
