You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
