is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
