Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
