I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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