Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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