You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
