She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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