nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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