god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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