i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
