I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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