The best revenge is premature balding
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
