Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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