dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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