Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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