She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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