its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
