yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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