I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
