i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
3 2 1 whiskey
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
