Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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