Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
