Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
