Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
