epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
