You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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