I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
