I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
