a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
two words...techno handjob
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
