There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
