When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
