I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
