Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize