there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
