He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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