it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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