Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
