guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
