I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
