Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize