I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
