Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
