i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
